grantcrow

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 04:37:19 GMT

The flower so brave

Surrounded by concrete graves

Defies man made death

It is haiku time every one.

Christine...

Asian surfing nerd

The Great Social Butterfly

Best Mermaid ever

Rebekah...

The Fiesty Rocker

Stomps on authorities balls

The Mosh pit demon

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 16:54:46 GMT

So, I've been doing some thinking (My warning before the entry).

I don't think any of my reasons are good reasons not to believe in god. My first is I think I might be afraid that heaven actually is real. The second is I don't want to believe in the same imaginary friend as everybody else. Maybe in some deep, dark recess of my soul I don't want to believe, so that when we die and we're all sitting in a pool of nothingness, I can laugh and I say I told you so.

That doesn't mean I like much of what I think, if any of it. I mean, even if god is this omniprescent imaginary buddy, like a benevolent elmo in the sky...shit, I think that it would be pretty cool to have him as a friend.

Yesterday my dad asked me if I liked myself. My first instinct was to get defensive, like I was backing up some cripple that didn't make it in the special olympics.

What are you supposed to say to a question like that?

"I damn well like who I am, since I'm all I've got." Dissing on yourself is way too easy and besides there's no one to defend you once you turn on yourself.

End of thinking, becuase I promised myself to try not to. You can only do so much before you hurt yourself.

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 03:38:13 GMT

It's been good. On the weekends I surf with Christine and Rebekah.

We found this exclusive beach: pristine, untouched, and it offers a killer ride. It's called the Point and as far as I can tell, no one even knows of its surfing potential.

Tne locals don't even know what surfing is. Christine ripped down the face of this massive wave, and a bewildered native yelled "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

We tried our best not to snort with laughter, as we didn't want to embarass the local. We posed with our boards, trying to cut impressive figures.

I expect that soon we'll be legends.

"THEY DID WHAT?"

"IN WHERE?"

"WITH FIBERGLASS PANKAKES?"

"AND IN THAT SKANKY WATER?"

No doubt about it.

Sat, 11 Sep 2004 17:13:33 GMT

I am too much of a little boy to watch scary movies.

As Rebekah pointed out, the "R" is there for a reason: So that people like me don't see movies like the excorcist.

It's like my body overinflates on adrenaline. I nearly jumped out of my seat when they flashed this evil door knob.

Ten minutes in I asked Rebekah if she wanted to stay.

30 minutes in I begged Rebekah to leave.

We ended up leaving, becuase I just couldn't take it, and seeing without a paddle.

There was this one scene with Jesus hanging upside down on the crucifix. It felt wrong and I felt dirty for watching it. Afterwards I wanted to rush to church and repent or something.

"That was Satan's movie"- Paraphrased from Rebekah

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 00:51:13 GMT

Yesterday my dog's neck was ringed with blood and most of it wasn't his own. He reeked of skunk and sulked around the house like he was looking for a rematch.

It never really occured to me that he actually killed it.

I found it in the yard, its cute little teeth bared and a damp patch of bloody dirt mushrooming out from underneath him. He'd gone down fighting that's for sure.

I looked closer and found he was a baby, I could have easily picked him up and cradled him in the palms of his hands.

I got angry, I mean what the fuck--it wasn't even a fair fight. I got these irrational, mean thoughts. I wished that my dog got his ear bitten off or his tail clawed into a stump. Nothing fatal just a karmic lesson not to kill baby skunks.

I didn't know what to do with its corpse. I mean I can't throw it away, so I think I'll bury him or something like that.

Later on I went to a Voilent Fems concert with Christine and Alvine and Posse. It rocked so hard. The mosh pit was aggressive but friendly and people swing danced: you could really feel the music. This cute girl grabbed my hands and started dancing with me. I tried my best to dance along becuase I really didn't want to dissapoint her, but I think she caught on that I trip over my own feet. So, she found another guy who could actually dance.

On a side note, good luck to Rebekah. I hope the first night of your job went well.

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 18:48:49 GMT

Rebekah, Christine, and I went on an epic journey to find ice blocks yesterday.

We pretended to be stoners in 7-11. Rebekah kept on saying stuff about an "ice block emergency" in a raspy pot induced voice. And Christine found herself continually drawn to the snack isle becuase of severe munchy attacks.

Then to Albertsons. Rebekah and I jumped into the stand up freezer. It was cold.

After finding the ice blocks we went over to Rower Park.

I didn't know what to expect, so when the ice started sliding slowly and then fast I just held on and hoped I didn't hit anything.

Rebekah and Christine soon established themselves as pro ice blockers.

Rebekah could steer and Christine didn't seem to know the meaning of brakes.

With your butt firmly planted on a chunk of ice and the grass a green blurr beside you, it's just so much damn fun that I'll have to do it again sometime.

After we'd all taken a series of gnarly falls, including Rebekahs flip and when the ice block slid and hit her in the head, we called it a night and left.

It was sad becuase this girl lost her puppy and we couldn't help her find it.

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 23:21:46 GMT

I've decided on a plan to help Mexicans.

First, I will build a rainbow bridge over the Border.

Then I will distribute free leprechaun suits to my Mexican compadres.

Once they are properly attired in their leprechaun digs we can safely skip over the rainbow bridge and into the land of freedom.

I imagine a security guard bellowing into his megaphone, telling the little green man to please step away from the rainbow and to please put up their little leprechaun hands or else.

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 20:43:38 GMT

My advice to myself is always the same, yet I never seem to follow it.

Today is my birthday and I don't feel older.

I suppose that is a good thing, after all if you only aged on birth days the day of your birth would be a very terrifying day indeed.

What you wonder is going to happen next?

Will I suddenly go bald, grow a tumor, and start listening to country music?

OH WHAT HORRORS DOES TIME HAVE IN STORE FOR ME!?

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 19:52:46 GMT

I think that I am going to slow things down for bit, stop taking things so seriously and just take it as they come.

I lost my parents bike so I need to work it off to yard work. 250 dollars.

Indentured servitude need not be hell. I guess I'll make the most of it and enjoy being outside.

My old friends from middle school invited me golfing. As of yet, they don't know about my mohawk so I think I am going to spike it and dress up as a hard core punk. Hopefully they'll be surprised and maybe I can intimidate snooty golfers.

Katherine is leaving on a rock climbing road trip. I guess I feel slightly betrayed becuase she's leaving me. But I guess that I would go in her place becuase it is bound to be lots of fun.

My thoughts are kind of blockish and unflowish.

Perhaps I
sh
ou
ld
wr
it
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li
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th
is

to increase the flow of my writing and send off happy vibes to the readers.

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 01:17:28 GMT

I met lots of nice people at rock climbing camp. They all made me laugh and I miss them. Sad getting to know them. Then leaving them.

Yeah. I realize it will pass. I'll forget and soon they'll just be sad, tired out names with no real significance. Dead discarded christmas trees on the side of the road.

That makes it worse.

Time can sometimes be a cold hearted bitch.

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 16:13:00 GMT

Authority scares me.

I flinch when cop cars drive by.

I can't climb on the roof of Grossmont mall.

I didn't have the balls to break into a country club and play tennis right under the nose of snobby country clubbers.

I need to do something rebellious, not just to be defiant, but to prove that I'm not a lapdog to authority.

That if I just keep docile, I might be thrown a tasty little morsel.

Fuck that.

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 06:49:36 GMT

I've realized some important things about myself.

I dislike politics.

I don't want to be a lawyer. Ever.

Debating religion isn't fun.

Cubicles seem as appealling as death traps.

Thinking is overated.

I want heaven to have lots of flying.

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 23:52:20 GMT

I am going to rock climbing camp. Aside from rock climbing, we get to roast smores around a camp fire and listen to awesome stories.

I am really looking forward to it 1) Becuase my buddies Kat and Stace are leaving to some god forsaken piece of the east coast 2)My band member is leaving to Missouri (*Misery* Hahaha. Oh god, I love that shirt)

and 3)Living in a tent and eating smores sounds like irresistible fun.

For real, though. Smores are good.

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 21:22:37 GMT

I went up to Santa Barbara and crashed some parties over the weekend.

They didn't feel like parties becuase I was usually the only person not drunk or stoned. Sitting by myself, utterly unintoxicated, I got plenty of time to feel sorry for myself. I wonder if my life is going to be like that forever, the straight edge loner not drugged up enough to be any fun. Fuck it.

The second night I drank a cup of beer and felt even worse. The carbonated dish soap tasted bad but left a pleasant warm, tingling feeling in my stomach. I briefly sat in on a game of "Drunk Driver", where you roll the dice and try to get your beer cap home before the cops put you behind bars. In the process you get horribly drunk and spill beer on the game board.

I have never seen so much marijuana in my life. Big heaping glad tupper ware fulls of marijuana. Enough to knock out a full grown hippo and still have left overs for his relatives.

People offered me marijuana many times and in my best DARE voice I told them "NO. Marijuana leads to pill popping and needle stabbings and powder addictions. Plus, people all ready think I am a stoner as it is. No need to reinforce their opinion."

Are you hot or am I just drunk off my ass? -Alvin (who was not, in any way, shape, or form drunk)

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 06:12:48 GMT

I've started practicing the drums again. I like it. Pounding on things makes me feel better. Maybe it is just becuase of the new hairstyle, but I feel like I belong behind a drum set.

I got a three on the AP literature test. Silly graders. Couldn't they tell I hadn't a fucking clue?

My language has certainly become filthy and I'm not sure if I care for me or for other people.

Surfing was good. Neil, I am sorry you got hit twice in the head. Surf boards can be mean sometimes.

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 07:28:03 GMT

Sometimes things don't turn out the way you want them to. It's just harder when you have to deal with it for two weeks straight.

I got really good at decieving people and myself. Which I suppose is really a bad thing.

Rock climbing was fun, but it made me realize how afraid I am.

When I climb I think crazy, stupid thoughts like what if the rope snaps and I plummet to the ground, mangled limbs bent askew like a tortured ginger bread man.

Maybe it was the stress or the unintentional rejection, but I really missed surfing. It just seemed like a good solution: water, salt, less control, and less thinking.

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 03:55:17 GMT

*COUGH* PLAN A!! Go with plan A!! -Rebekah

I went surfing for the second time today and it was loads of fun.

I got to ride this giant styrafoam board so it was almost impossible for me to hurt myself and it was easier to stand.

Half way through our expedition Daniel got stung by a jelly fish, so he decided to stay on shore. I told him to go out and get revenge on the jelly fish, but Katherine shunned me and told her boy friend not to listen.

That was okay becuase Stacey and Rebekah were still riding the waves.

I suck at surfing, but I love the experience: whenever I got manhandled by the ocean or swallowed noxious sea water I couldn't stop laughing.

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 16:30:45 GMT

I had a dream that I was a ninja and Mary was a peasant wench, which was cool becuase she gave me her saritas breakfast burrito.

Sun, 13 Jun 2004 20:40:31 GMT

"Your lives are worthless" -Pastor (Guy who's name I forgot)

Rebekah sowed the seeds of doubt in my mind for better or for worse. I don't know if church is the way for me to know god, maybe I should be doing something else like just being a better person or something.

Never the less I should stay with my goals. No turning back now.

Sat, 12 Jun 2004 02:44:54 GMT

Goals For Summer:

1) Go to church every week and really pay attention.

2) Get angry at people who deserve it and not feel guilty about it.

I guess that I should have more, but these will have to do for now.

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 02:46:52 GMT

Today I went to church and tried my hardest to actually listen to what they where saying. I just don't want demons talking about my soul and what they can do to corrupt it. I don't want them discussing my slow progression down the path to hell.

I don't want to be a faker either. Someone who follows god out of fear or heavenly rewards. I feel that would be the worst thing I could do.

After church I went to buger king and enjoyed simple pleasures. I said "hi" to Ashley and played cups with Mary, Rebekah, and Jill. It was fun, although I need to work on slowing down and not being as competitive.

Then Saritas. Then Rebekah's house and Lord of The Rings.

Rebekah and Jill got giant buck knives, so we had to act out crazy knife fights and take pictures.

Then we cut ourselves and made a blood pact.

I cut slow, like in a sawing motion becuase I was afraid of chopping off my finger and seeing it wriggle on the ground.

Rebekah was more hardcore. She cut hard and fast, so she has this impressive looking slash across her finger.

Jill, being the smartest and most sane, used a safety pin to cut herself.

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 00:49:53 GMT

Today I felt good. I reminded myself to let the little stuff slide.

After worrying about grades, relationships, and life in general, it is good to let control go. And just laugh about it.

I have Jill to thank in part for my more relaxed attitude.

Jill reminded me that school isn't slavery.

Thank you Jill.

Rebekah told me I that I could stop going to school entirely. And have more fun by climbing around the campus.

Thank you Rebekah.

Thu, 27 May 2004 05:35:24 GMT

I ditched for the first time ever today.

Jill convinced me not to go to my next class.

So, I now have an official ditching buddy.

We had an interesting conversation about how I rarely let my true self out. She said that she enjoyed it when I told my true feeling about my friends.

Rebekah. Seduce Him. Please.
======

Ashley, Neil, and I shopped for three hours.

We took a break at K-Mart and rode a 3 foot by 4 foot carousel. There was even music that played!

Wed, 26 May 2004 02:20:40 GMT

I have some good ideas for thespian presents. Some of them require artistic skills, so I can only hope that they will turn out as well as I pictured them.

I need to get better at sucking up. As painful as it might be.
I don't like sucking up to some people. If feels wrong. And fake. And Ungenuine.

BUT. As Rebekah reminded me in her journal: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A KISS ASS--THE MORE EXAGGERATION, THE BETTER!

I also need to master my unruly pride. Despite how many times I told myself not to let it get to me I felt myself starting to crack.

The good thing about my presents is that I would like to give them even if I didn't get brownie points or stuff like that, becuase I really think (If I do them correctly) the people will really like them.

Sun, 23 May 2004 02:59:13 GMT

today I met this seriously awesome guy called Dave.

My brother and I met him in a thrift store while we were looking for stuff to decorate his room.

At first he honestly scared us. He just came up out of no where and said how much happy people made him angry. But it was ok becuase he was joking.

Then he told us a very innapropriate, but funny joke about a parakeet and sexually transmitted diseases. Hahaha.

Then he sang us like 15 songs from the depression and right after the civil war.

It was sad becuase he just had triple by pass surgery, and when he told us it seemed that a cloud came over his face. He told us he sang to raise his spirits.

Well Dave, I hope that you get better. And hopefully my brother and I will be able to cruise by the coffee shop you sing at.